hello everyone, it’s me sitting here and writing this, depressed and a bit baffled. yesterday it was a sunny and happy day but since last night i feel so down. you’re always told that you have to say what you think, that you have to speak up because otherwise you will never get the things you want. ok well, but any time i’m doing this, saying what i think, what i want to tell a long time, i get slammed. they are mad at me and lave me crying alone in my room.
so yesterday i told my dad that i don’t like what he’s saying about some kind of things at times -not important what he said now- and he got angry. not really angry but till now he doesn’t talk to me. okay but if he wants that i’m not exploding like a bomb inside he has to let me say what i think. that’s not ok that i’m not allowed to say what i think. yeah i’m really sensitive at this point and i react way too emotional but does it not matter how i feel? can’t i tell what i want to? am i not allowed to say how i feel about things? always when i try to be honest, to not hole up they let me feel how bad i am. it’s mostly so hard for me because i don’t like myself. no day passes by with me not wanting to be anyone else. i hate it and i want it to change but when i try to be more self-confident something like this happens. i always seem to be shy but i’m not. it’s just because i don’t dare to speak too loud, to tell my opinion, to be just myself. i hope i am able to stand up for myself and don’t care about what others say but now i can’t because i’m too afraid what could happen. i shouldn’t care about others opinion on me and i don’t want to have fear anymore but how? well i don’t know.
sorry but i just needed to write what bothers me right now… and if you want to tell me what you think about this topic i won’t be angry i promise 😉 anyways have a great day, lots of love!
I used to have a comfort zone
where I knew I couldn’t fail,
The same four walls of busy work
were really more like a jail
I said it didn’t matter
that I wasn’t doing much,
I said I didn’t care for things
like diamonds or furs and such
I claimed to be so busy
with the things inside my zone,
But deep inside I longed for
something special of my own
I couldn’t let my life go by
just watching others win,
I held my breath and stepped outside
to let the change begin
I took a step and with new strength
I’d never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone good bye
and closed and locked the door
A step or two and words of praise
can make your dreams come true
Greet your future with a smile,
success is there for you!