Long time no see or read… whatever. I’m sorry I’m not an active blogger but sometimes I’m like super duper motivated but most of the time I’m just a lazy potato laying in my bed and sleeping all day. Well, not the best lifestyle if you want to be good at school and want to have a life but what can you do 🙂
Soo I wanted to do write about things you could call story time or something like this. But now I’m really wondering if my life is worth a story time or are the things I’m writing even stories? Well, I will find out soon I guess.
Now I’d see this post more like a personal diary because some things at the moment make me stay awake all night.
First of all my already mentioned laziness. I know I have a lot to do. For school, in general for my parents but I can’t get my butt up and do these things. Why? Am I ill or something? There’s a little bastard inside my brain that won’t let me get up and be productive and do something with my life. I can’t describe the feeling. And when I finally got to my desk, sat down and started learing I can’t stay there longer than one hour. I should really study for school but I can’t. It’s like a phobia that keeps me away from school stuff that I have to do and I start feeling numb and exhausted.
And then my anxiety. Every time someone talked about this anxious feeling you can get when you are in public or even at home I thought wow a lot of people seem to deal with that. And then I realized, well, me too. Because I have a fear of going out. Not with friends or someone like that but I have a huge fear of going out alone. Being by myself in public makes me shy and want to run away from everything. I start walking faster because I don’t want to stay at one spot too long because I don’t want to be seen maybe… I can’t describe the feeling. I never thought about going to a psycologist or something to talk about that but I don’t know, maybe it would help? Because how shall I get independent if I can’t even go to a grocery store to buy the things I need?
Maybe if you’re a little experienced in that topic and can give some advice, please leave me a comment. I’m really interested in finding out about this or if it even is anxiety what I have here. But I guess I can only find that out if I’m going to talk to a specialist which I don’t really want to be honest…
But enough of that now. If you want to say something about anxiety or laziness and feeling numb please leave a comment. Have a nice day xx