Sunday Depression III

Number three. Let’s talk about all the things that come up when it’s sunday and we got nothing to do but thinking. At least I start thinking on sundays. Because I hate sundays. Fuck them.

Okay, what is it today. I’m currently listening to a song from Stromae called Cheese. In the refrain hes sings that he smiles, that he will smile and that he always smiled. That’s quite a good description how my life is going.

Everyday I’m bothered with insecurities about myself, how I speak and what others could think of me. I know these thoughts can destroy you and your self-confidence but then I have to ask myself if I even got self-confidence. I don’t know. Anyways, even if I’m insecure, feel lonely sometimes and just don’t know what to do with my life, I smile. I smile them thoughts away. I don’t want to bother people with my sadness or with talking too much about me but sometimes I just want to tell my best friend everything that comes up to my mind on bad days. But I don’t dare to do this. I don’t know why. I know that I can tell her everything and she won’t judge me for what I feel or think but instead of doing what I want to, I keep laughing whilst inside of me everything breaks.

I think with breaking inside that feeling is described quite well. Because I feel a slight pain in my stomach and my heart and I want to cry and run away. On sundays that feeling comes up and I feel like breaking and everything gets too much. In an earlier post I described how I sometimes feel numb. And that’s exactly the result of when I feel broken.

The moral of this story is that if it’s somehow possible for you stop caring about what others think. Because if you’re okay with yourself  you feel way happier but that’s another topic.

Enjoy your sunday and maybe do something to get dark thoughts out of your mind. xx